Not the Mom They Told Me to Be—The One I Chose to Become

If you’re reading this on Mother’s Day, I hope you’re feeling loved, celebrated, and seen.

I hope someone brought you coffee, let you sleep in, or gave you space to just be.

But after the celebration fades, whether that’s today, tomorrow, or next week, I want to offer something else.

A Mother’s Day check-in.

Because this day isn’t just about how others honor you.

It’s also a powerful opportunity to ask:

Am I showing up as the mom I always said I wanted to be?

We All Start with a Vision

Most of us had some kind of picture in our minds when we became mothers.

“I’m going to make homemade meals every week.”

“I’ll never yell.”

“I’ll always be emotionally available.”

“I’m going to be the fun mom.”

“I’ll give my child everything I didn’t have.”

We start with intention.

With heart.

With dreams.

But then life gets loud and we start mothering on autopilot.

Default Mode Is Real (and Often Inherited)

You get tired.

You get busy.

And before you know it, you’re reacting to everything.

Suddenly, you’re doing things you swore you’d never do.

Maybe you’re yelling, being distant, and rushing through the very moments you wanted to soak in.

Not because you don’t care, but because you’re human.

The Hard Truth

A lot of the ways we show up, especially in hard moments, are inherited.

It’s not even your behavior sometimes.

It’s the code you picked up from how you were raised.

The tone you heard growing up.

The way your mom handled stress.

The structure your home had—or didn’t.

So now here you are, repeating patterns you didn’t choose.

And feeling like you’re failing, even though all you’re doing is running old code.

My Personal Story

I’ll give you an example from my life.

When I was growing up, we didn’t celebrate holidays. It just wasn’t allowed in my house. No Christmas. No Halloween. None of it.

So I made a promise.

When I became a mom, I would go all in.

I’d decorate, create memories, and start my own traditions.

But even with that promise in my heart, I’ve found myself slipping.

Not doing the things I said I would. Not planning the moments I swore I’d never skip.

Because even when you decide something, it’s easy to fall back into default when you don’t stay connected to your vision.

That’s Why Today Is Powerful

Yes, enjoy your flowers.

Take the nap.

Let someone else do the dishes.

But after that, I invite you into something sacred:

A simple moment of realignment.

A time to check in with your original motherhood vision, and rewrite the parts you’ve outgrown.

Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because you’re ready to do it on purpose.

How to Do It: Create Your “Vision-Aligned Mom List”

This moment is all about clarity and intention and giving you the space to design your motherhood again.

So here’s what I suggest:

• Grab a notebook.
• Do a grounding ritual
• And create a list of 7 to 15 traits or habits that reflect the mom you want to be, right now, in this season.

Here’s how to think about it:

1. What Did You Always Say You’d Do?

The things you dreamed of before life got in the way.

(For me: cooking more home-cooked meals. Creating slow moments.)

2. What Does Your Child Ask For?

The clues are there. It’s what they want from you emotionally and playfully.

(For me: playing Roblox. She’s not asking for much, just presence.)

3. What Are You Doing Out of Inheritance, Not Intention?

Patterns you picked up but don’t want to carry.

(For example: reacting with tone, shutting down, rushing instead of connecting.)

4. What No Longer Serves You?

Maybe you once believed something was “the right way,” but it no longer fits.

Give yourself permission to evolve. That’s the mark of a conscious mom.

Let Me Help You Get Started

If you’re like me, sometimes you need a little inspiration to get your thoughts flowing.

So I created a free download for you:

The Vision-Aligned Mom List: 50 Inspiring Traits to Choose From

Get a curated list of 50 intentional motherhood traits to help you reflect, release, and realign.

Pick the ones that feel like you and toss the ones that don’t.

Use it as a blueprint to design your own motherhood code.

You Don’t Have To Be A Default Mom

So whether you’re reading this on Mother’s Day… or months after…

Let this be your personal check-in and your reminder to stop defaulting and start designing again.

You don’t need a holiday to reconnect with your motherhood vision, but sometimes, those dates on the calendar are divine reminders.

Today can be that reminder.

Or any day you choose.